Well, how glad I am to be back on the park after Shehanne selfishly moved house and ignored me, even through Talk like a Pirate Day. How could we do so, since we had no internet connection here on our humble boat. The gentlemen had dressed up so nicely too and were doing Date a Pirate Day and made little profiles in the hopes some lady would find them attractive as no lady has before….
However, that has been put aside, as we
have our arms broken by Shehanne to convene another Book Club meeting featuring one of her author buddies or their characters the lovely Milady Black’s latest hero….the gorgeous Milord Ballantyne.
Can you tell us something about your journey from your homeland?
Not a lot. Lowry likes to surprise me. She insisted I remain blindfolded for the entire journey.
Some malarkey about learning to trust. I returned the favour, though. Had her in handcuffs the entire trip… and not for the first time.
Gracious. Ask no questions, get no lies told. All of the crew are making you welcome I trust?
I’d be happier if they put down their damn blades… But then,*dangerous grin*I’m the one with the gun. And, while I’m happy to share any beverage openly offered, I draw the line at wrapping my lips around a neck of a flask that’s been wet gummed by ten men before me.
But I appreciate the gesture… Lowry ordered me to be polite. How’m I doing?
Well…..an awful lot better than Milady Black’s last hero, if I may venture to say so. Especially regarding Taliano. You would not want to drink from any flask he’s wrapped his mouth around. His teeth too.
You have brought me a pleasing little gift I see.
Yup, I was warned against turning up empty handed. The Pirelli Calendar’s for Flint.
He’s allowed to look, though I understand touching is now out.
Gracious who told you that?
And it’s the 50th year of publication so it’s a great edition. The small abstract oil is for you. One of Lowry’s pieces. My twin got to name it. Typically he titled it ‘Freefalling’, and ah…you’ve got it upside down.
Shehanne said you might have a use for them should you and Flint ever find yourselves marooned somewhere desolate and godforsaken.
Well of course, although Flint would have me… Still, your generosity outshines all our guests. Do have ten out of ten, even if you did listen to that Shehanne.
Now….you have met the charming members of the club. Can you tell us why we should each of us spend a week reading about you?
Well, personally, I read it for the parts where Lowry climbs my body. Never get bored of that. And then there’s the bedding scene,…those struts on the headboard remain bent to this day. And who wouldn’t want to see that sick bastard, Patient Peter, deleted for good. Furthermore, the violence might appeal to your crew, and me falling for Lowry is not without its thrill. And then there’s the British Intelligence Service, or Incompetence Service, as I now like to call them.
Gracious, I see the gentlemen are enthralled already and you have won many fans, although I would know nothing of a bedding scene.
While I think I have cured Flint of eyeing other women, he is still a great one for eyeing everything else. He calls it booty. Is there anything I should do to disabuse him of helping himself to other people’s boats and their contents? Already we have four gondolas aboard.
Hell, my ancestors built their wealth plundering antiquities, so who am I to judge. Besides which, he offered to purloin a couple of those cannons for me. I accepted.
What? I beg your pardon?
I can see them gracing the front drive to Harrick Hall, just fine.
Goodness. May I say this place looks like Ravenshurst where I should have been living had not Shehanne interfered?
My advice: keep stumm about his little proclivities… At least he’s not out there slicing and dicing people… And my lake could take a couple of gondolas, if they’re in the way.
Gracious? Did I say only 10 out of 10????
most thoughtfully provided our fare today, largely because the pirates eschew the culinary arts for cutlass waving, drinking and frolicking on shore with wenches. Do you have any tips for making them try at least to help my maid, Susan, in the galley? It is such a task and she gets quite fraught.
Have you tried upping their wages? Or better still, save yourself the strife and order takeaway. Or, if you’re under sail, get Flint to help. Lowry makes me pitch in…not that I’m pussy whipped, or anything.
Oh, I should think not….
Essaouira is lovely I am sure, with a rich history and culture–a world heritage sight- what sites—if any– do you intend visiting here when you leave the ship? Provided of course, you first sign a disclaimer that you never saw me, or Flint?
Flint knows full well my lips are sealed tight. You can add blackmail to the list of his nefarious skills. If he were ever to share what I got up to in the months after I shot Lowry…oh, for fuck sake, fine, I’ll sign. And as for Essaouira…
So damn many, you can’t help but trip over them.That’s how I know two going missing won’t even be noticed, and if Flint does get caught nicking a couple, they’ll probably reward him for doing a public service. And then there’s the local hammam. I quite look forward to being steamed, then abused and slapped about like a wet fish…or maybe not.
The wind surfing, I hear is pretty good in this region. Might give that a try, but then again, with this damn incessant wind blowing, I may just kick back and hover around the harbor. The beach is certainly out, unless a full body skin exfoliation by horizontally blown sand is your thing.
Hard to Forget
Free,Full Chapter 1 available here:Entangled Publishing
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