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 It was of course my intention to move on from rule one of my ten rules governing a certain activity. But several things happened this week. Firstly the felicitatious news is that Milady Lodge does indeed intend dropping by with some of her Pinterest pins. Even as we speak she is dare one say it…dressing me.

It will be an ideal post for rule two, the one about being fully clothed. perhaps I will even end up looking like this……sto5

 

It is not quite my color I must say

 Although one should really speak to her concerning Flint, who was very unkind to my gallery of pictures of gentlemen in cravats cc

Their heads in particular. Milord Firth does not like quite the same now.

 After unearthing this wussy picture of the infamous Captain Kydd, I am very concerned at how the average pirate is perceived to dress.  She is wearing a red dress though. Sort of. Although he only requires  the attachment of a coat-hanger  and a crocodile to make him resemble Captain Hook.  capt_kidd

 Also I would be careful of that dog if I were her. My attempts to bring a parrot aboard the Calypso resulted in me and it being dumped on a dock. I cannot think why. But there. Perhaps Captain Kydd is of a more gracious temperament.

No, the other felicitatious thing is that I have been asked for my advice. Yes. And not on the disposal of husbands either.  Yes you surely did not think I was meaning myself when I said Dear Fury at the top of this blog do you?

Here is a selection

Dear Lady Fury

Is your story available in brail? You see some months ago I lost my spectacles but acquired a new boyfriend, Taliano, who is very keen to kiss me. But being blind as a bat and not knowing what he looks like, I am uncertain. I am sure your rules would keep me right. But perhaps you would kindly advise what I should do?

Ann.

Dear Ann. If you cannot invest in a pair of contact lenses, or a visit to Specsavers, please at the very least make him an appointment at an orthodontist. Then make good your escape.

Dear Lady Fury

I was gobsmacked last night to be informed by a female neighbour that at 6 30 that morning she had seen birds gnawing at my nuts. Am I missing something here? Or is this something I should be worried about?

JG.

Dear JG.

I think she should be, since only one with a screw loose would rise at such an unseemly time to bird watch. But you can solve this problem by putting down…bread crumbs instead.   Just be glad it is not squirrels since they are very damaging.article-1093506-02C22227000005DC-310_634x645

Dear Lady Fury

Can I sell my leg? Since reading of your rule about no touching my lady friend has resolutely refused to do so. And it’s ruining all any fun?

Long John Silver

Dear Long John

Absolutely. Use the proceeds to treat yourself to a nice prosthetic one. Sure to be nicer than wood. And while you’re about it get rid of the parrot.  

SO there  you go.  As you can see if you have any problems. Please desist from sending them. bor

 

 

 

 

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